Zombies vs Unicorns!
by xx-animeXalchemist-xx
Summary: It's an argument as old as time itself: Zombies or Unicorns? America and England disagree over which is better, which leads to an utterly stupid argument, a sex ban, and UST of the highest degree. Which frustrated country will break first? USUK two-shot
1. Chapter 1

**Heyyyy everyone~! ^_^ So there was a poll up on my profile a while ago asking which pairing people wanted to see a smut-fic for, and USUK won so that is why I'm writing this :) For those of you who've read another fic of mine- It's Not What You Think!**- **you will know that you can request things. A particular request gave me the inspiration for this, so thank you to CalaveraCandiedSkull for the idea~ This will be a two-shot, the smexy stuff will be chappy 2 ;D**  
><strong>Disclaimer: I only own this messed up story ;D<strong>  
><strong>WARNING: Contains yaoi, USUK, UST, and absolutely ridiculous arguments. It's rated T for now but the next chappy will bump it up to M, so smex <em>will<em> be making an appearance :P Read at your own risk!**

x~x~x~x~x

Zombies vs. Unicorns!

~The Present~

In all honesty: he should have seen this coming.

As soon as this whole bloody mess had started, England should have been able to predict _exactly _how this was going to play out. Really, he should have had more sense. But it was the heat of the moment, just one lapse of judgement. And so as soon as he had said it there was no taking it back. He had his pride after all, and he valued his pride. The only problem with this was that America had just as much pride as him, and was equally as stubborn even if he didn't like to admit to that fact.

And so the situation got out of hand, right up until the point that it was getting absolutely ridiculous. Honestly, how could one little comment have caused so much _agony_? It was unthinkable really. If only America hadn't gone and said _that_, then everything would be right with the world. Yet the fact of the matter was that he had said it, and now there was a very pissed off Englishman who was determined to prove once and for all that he was right by _any _means necessary.

It all started three and a half weeks ago...

x~x~x~x~x

~Three And A Half Weeks Ago~

"Haha! Dude this is so freaking awesome!" America exclaimed with glee, slowly moving his face closer and closer to the computer screen until he may as well have been glued to the thing.

England looked at the other with a look that, if you knew him well, said: 'Why on earth am I in love with this idiotic fool again?'

He sighed, taking a sip of tea from the dainty little china teacup in his hand before placing it down neatly on the little table in front of the sofa in order to get up and see just what was so enthralling on the computer (and ready to unleash the apocalypse if America was downloading virus laden games again. He had already lost three computers thanks to him!)

"May I ask what it is that has you so interested?" the Brit inquired, doing his best to peer over the younger nation's shoulder but failing to see anything seeing as America had apparently reached the conclusion that pressing your face right up against the screen was actually the best way to view things.

"It's this argument thing," America said after a moment, chuckling a bit more as he continued to read but he pulled back a bit in order to grin at England. "Some people argue about some pretty stupid stuff."

England raised an eyebrow, silently asking the other to tell him exactly what this supposedly stupid argument was about.

"Check it out babe," he smiled, swiftly grabbing England by his wrist and pulling him down so that the Brit ended up sat on his lap. America let out a small laugh as he saw his boyfriend having an immense inner debate with himself along the lines of:

_'Should I object to the fact that he pulled me onto his lap or scream at him for calling me 'babe' first?'_

In the end it looked as though England was going to attempt to scold him for both offences, ready to go on a massive rant but he only got so far as, "You bloody-" before the hero managed to disarm him by pressing his lips to the back of England's neck. He let out another soft laugh as he saw the island nation blush on cue, being reduced to a series of unintelligible mumbles with the occasional 'git' being heard. In his head, England was cursing himself. He always did whenever America managed to get him like this (which happened far more than he'd care to admit). He didn't really understand why it was that the self proclaimed 'United States of Awesome' was able to have such a profound effect on him, but for whatever reason he did and despite what he may say outwardly, he really did love the burger obsessed country.

"Zombies against unicorns," America announced suddenly.

England wasn't exactly sure what that cryptic message meant. Zombies against unicorns? That didn't make any sense no matter how you looked at it. He shifted around a bit, seriously contemplating standing up once more because he felt awkward sitting on America's lap like this. Sadly America chose this precise moment to be able to read the bloody mood because he slyly snaked his arms around his boyfriend's waist, keeping him there despite the half-arsed attempts at trying to get away.

Sighing, England managed to shift around so that he could look at the other with a perplexed expression. "I beg your pardon?" he asked.

"The argument," America clarified, tilting his head towards the computer screen. "It's basically all these people arguing over which is better when it comes to zombies and unicorns. Pretty crazy right?" he grinned, his eyes gravitating back to the screen as he read another comment that just so happened to be slagging off unicorns and backing the humble zombie. England also read that comment (after some more awkward manoeuvring so that he could actually read what was on the screen) and scoffed.

"Simply ridiculous," he said- referring more to the comment than the argument. I mean, obviously_ unicorns_ were better.

"Yup," America said simply, thinking that he was talking about the argument as a whole because let's be honest: _zombies _were the clear winners by a mile.

"Why bother debating something that has such a blatantly obvious answer?" England asked, emerald eyes scanning more and more of the comments. He nodded in agreement to those who were on the side of unicorns (the right side dammit!) and narrowed his eyes whenever some incredibly uneducated idiot claimed that zombies were superior.

"Meh, dunno. It's kinda obvious though, like you said," America agreed, opting to perch his head on England's shoulder as he carried on reading the argument unfold.

"Mmm," was the only response the hero got, England too busy lost in the cyber world as he took on board all of the arguments being presented (even though the arguments in favour of zombies were, for lack of a better word, bullshit).

America gave up after about half a minute, quickly tiring off reading so much stuff especially when everything being written about unicorns being better was just _lame _and _stupid_. Besides, this was his day off! So why should he spend it reading when he could be doing much more interesting and productive things such as eating burgers, getting a new high score on one of his games, eating burgers, watching an action movie, eating burgers, going to McDonald's... to get some burgers. What? The guy likes burgers; sue him.

It was just as the American had decided that yes, he would in fact like a burger (or five), that something _far _more interesting crossed his mind as he glanced at the Brit who was still engrossed with the zombies and unicorns argument.

Had the gentleman been paying attention to the real world and not the virtual one, then he would have seen the small glint appearing in sapphire eyes and would have noticed the ghost of a small, cheeky smile make its way to lips that already knew where they wanted to be. England didn't stand a chance, especially when he decided to turn to the other in order to voice his personal opinion on this matter. Before he even had a chance to utter a syllable his lips were captured in a kiss that wasted absolutely no time in intoxicating him with extreme heat and burning passion. In the back of his rapidly incoherent thoughts the gentleman was vaguely aware that he didn't think this very fair at all, the fact that America could, in the space of a few seconds, render him completely at the other's mercy. Yet the hazy thought was soon cast aside when America lightly dragged his tongue across England's bottom lip in a silent plea for entrance.

Despite his best efforts, England couldn't help but let a small moan escape from his lips with the action, more than happy to grant the access as he delicately threaded his fingers into the golden locks of his lover. Contented to allow the younger nation to control this particular kiss, England sighed happily and moved his tongue against America's in slow caresses. When both participants deemed the need to get oxygen back into their systems of critical importance, they broke apart slowly while England chuckled a bit.

"I was reading that, git," he said playfully, a small smile playing on his soft lips.

America let out a little laugh and placed a small kiss to England's neck before breathing, "Heh, sorry. But I kinda thought of something more interesting than some random online argument."

"Oh?" England asked, feigning innocence as the other began to trail a small line of chaste kisses from his neck, to his jaw and then his cheek. "And what, pray-tell, is that?"

"I think you already have a pretty good idea," America said cheekily as he placed his hands on England's lower back, drawing him closer in their awkward position on the chair.

"Aw, but the argument," England pouted, although America knew his boyfriend well enough to know that he couldn't give a toss about that anymore.

"Well you said yourself there's no point in reading it when it's obvious zombies are better," the other reasoned, moving to capture England's lips once more.

As said country wasn't currently thinking as clearly as usual, due to a pair of lips that really did have _much _better uses than simply talking loudly all the time, those words took a while to register. However when they finally did, the Brit thought that he must have heard wrong. I mean, it _almost _sounded as if America thought that _zombies _were the prevailing species in the debate. Just to make sure that this wasn't the case, because even though America was an idiot at times he surely wasn't _that _idiotic, England pulled back slightly and said in a low voice, "Sorry but what was that, love?"

"Huh?" America asked, not really much in the mindset for too much talking anymore and wanting to carry on indulging in each other.

"Zombies?" England elaborated.

"What about them?" the younger asked, carefully placing his hands on England's hips and making it so that his love was now straddling him.

"Well, and I know this is ludicrous, but I think you just said they were better," the island nation laughed a bit at the thought, pressing his forehead against America's.

"Well duh," America said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, going in for another kiss but he found a barrier in the form of England's hand blocking the way.

"'Well duh'?" England asked, an eyebrow rising slightly. "What does that mean?"

"That zombies are better," the hero said, pouting slightly because England was beginning to destroy the mood they were just beginning to establish. The Englishmen slowly retracted his other hand from where it was still entangled in America's hair and stared in disbelief.

"You are joking, aren't you?" he asked carefully.

"No, why?" America asked, genuinely confused. "Zombies are way more badass than unicorns."

It was this comment that had England shaking his head, as if to dispel the utterly absurd notion. "Surely you... you don't mean that," he said quietly after a few seconds of trying to gather composure.

"Wuh? Why wouldn't I? It's totally true dude! Zombies are awesome and unicorns suck!"

And it was _this _comment that had the gentleman wriggling out of the other's hold and standing up, looking at America as if he'd just said, 'Guess what? Me and Russia are pretty Disney Princesses!' before bursting into 'A Whole New World'.

"Don't be bloody stupid," the blonde said in an offhand way. "Anyone who holds any semblance of sense would know that unicorns are much better than those flesh eating abominations."

And _now _America understood just why it was that England was suddenly mad, and although he knew that he really shouldn't, he couldn't help it: he laughed.

"Hahaha! Dude! You can't be serious, zombies kick unicorn ass!"

"Oh? And do you have any basis for that? Have you ever _met _a zombie? No. _I _on the other hand know full well that a unicorn would destroy a zombie!"

"Pfft! Yeah right," America was still laughing, but he managed to gather himself enough to stand up from the chair so that he could 'discuss' this issue with England further. "Imaginary unicorns don't count dude."

"Oi! Starflower Sparkle is _not _imaginary you git!" the Brit yelled, looking thoroughly angered despite the fact he had just said 'Starflower Sparkle'. The sight was so comical that the hero laughed once more.

"No offence Iggy, but unicorns are kinda lame. You wouldn't be scared if a load of unicorns attacked you or anything, and an army of zombies on your side is way more awesome than an army of unicorns."

England rolled his eyes sarcastically and the sarcasm carried through in his voice. "Oh _of course_. An army of unicorns isn't scary _at all_, especially seeing as they don't have, for example, _a bloody stabbing weapon on their head if they so chose to use it that way_."

America faltered for a brief moment as he considered that possibility, and he promptly had a very surreal image of pink, fluffy unicorns suddenly going on some bloody rampage. He couldn't take the thought seriously, especially when the 'Pink Fluffy Unicorns' song that Japan had shown him the other day began to play in his head. Before he even realised it, he was bobbing his head slightly to the tune in his mind with a dopey grin on his face.

_Pink fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows~_

Damn that song was catchy. He'd have to show England some time when he didn't have a murderous look in his eye- _oh shit_.

"YOU AREN'T EVEN LISTENING TO ME YOU WANKER!" England yelled, practically shaking with rage. For such a small, petite looking country England had quite the set of lungs on him, and America knew _all _about that and now his thoughts were rapidly descending into the depths of the gutter and _if only that stupid argument thing hadn't started this then Iggy's voice would be loud for a completely different reason..._

"Never mind the fact that zombies can only manage speeds of about one bloody mile an hour on a good day. What's so terrifying about that?"

America's daydreaming aside, he suddenly felt the need to defend zombies seeing as that statement was _not _true. "Dude! Did you even _watch _Zombieland? Those freaking zombies were like, scarily fast! You wouldn't stand a chance!"

"Because all American movies are accurate," England scoffed. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen a country produce so many _painfully inaccurate _movies."

_Oh hell no._

England just _dissed _Hollywood. There was no way America would stand for that. "Well it's not like your movies are any better! All James Bond films are way more unbelievable and stupid than most of my stuff!" America was actually a fan of the series, but hey: it's true that some of the stuff in them simply wasn't possible.

Seething at having _Bond _of all people coming under attack, England yelled, "Well I bet Bond would have the bloody common sense to side with unicorns!"

"Unicorns are just sissy and girly and GAY!" America yelled back.

_Oh heeeellllll NO!_

America not siding with unicorns? Regrettable, but fine. America dissing James Bond movies? Stupid, but he kind of had a point. America calling unicorns 'sissy' and 'girly' and 'gay'? Where the hell did England put his pirate gear, he had to unleash a serious beat down right now!

"Heh, well if being 'gay' is such a bad thing, which if you haven't actually noticed, is just plain _hypocritical_!" England shot him a certain look and America flinched a bit as he realised that, yeah, he had made possibly the stupidest vocabulary choice right there. He didn't really mean anything by it, he had just let his annoyance dictate his words. Besides, of course he didn't have anything against gay people! He himself was going out with a guy and was completely in love with him even if they did tend to drive each other mad. England continued his sentence, "If unicorns are so terrible and ever so _gay _then fine: I'll just leave you to be completely _un_-gay."

America quickly looked up with wide eyes. Surely England wasn't going to end their relationship over something so trivial! They'd been through much worse and always managed to stick it out! "Hey England, I didn't mean it like that! You know that I don't care about sexuality and junk cuz if ya love someone then you should just be with them! I'm sorry, I was only saying that zombies are better!"

"Tch, and you _still _insist on that stupid notion." England scowled and looked towards the floor. He knew that America really hadn't meant any offence with the 'gay' comment and in all honesty it wasn't really the 'gay' thing that annoyed him. What did annoy him was the fact that America _knew _how much he cared for unicorns and fairies and those of its ilk. Although America himself didn't personally believe in them and although he was teased for it on occasion, usually he would be understanding and just let England be England. So when his likes and interests were branded as 'sissy' and 'girly' that stung. And so, without thinking, he blurted out words that he would soon come to regret:

"Seeing as you are clearly repulsed by the idea then we shall stop being so 'gay'. I'm imposing a sex ban!"

America just stared for a moment, completely dumbstruck. That moment turned into a minute, which in turn led to several more, all the while silence prevailed. When the larger nation was able to eventually formulate his words he had this to say:

"You can't be serious!"

Most of him was immeasurably relieved that England hadn't broken up with him, but the rest of him was completely confused. _Is he actually gonna go through with this? _he wondered.

"I'm deadly serious," the Brit said stubbornly. "Until you finally realise the error of your ways, meaning: until you finally realise that _unicorns _are better than those blasted zombies you seem to care for so much, it shall stay that way." Before America could even respond, England swiftly turned on his heel and stalked out of the house in a bid to feel superior (quite forgetting that this was actually his house in the first place).

"He... He's pissed at the zombies and unicorns part?" America said slowly to the empty room. "Not... not the 'gay' thing... okay..." After a few more moments though, he felt the familiar rush of a challenge coursing through his veins. England wanted him to say that unicorns were better, but there was no way in hell that was gonna happen! Zombies were the victors and there was no way he would change his mind! England had just issued him a challenge. So what if he banned sex? He was a hero; he could totally manage!

"Hahaha! Zombies rule and unicorns drool! Challenge accepted, England!" he proclaimed grandly.

x~x~x~x~x

The next few days consisted of both nations resorting to completely childish methods to prove that they were correct.

When England heard his doorbell ring he hadn't been at all prepared for what was about to greet him when he opened the door. It all happened so fast that the poor gentleman didn't really have a chance to get his bearings before it was all over. As soon as his door clicked open, several zombie plushies were hurled at him. He managed to swat a few away, but before he could really get a good look at who was pelting him with mini zombies (although if the obnoxious laughter was anything to go by, it was pretty damn obvious) a t-shirt was thrown in his face and the attack ended.

England looked at the t-shirt once he was able to orient himself and make sure that a certain American wasn't in the vicinity. On it was a familiar design, it was like all of those t-shirts that seemed to be popular amongst many- the sort that said _'I heart' _(with an actual red heart, not the word) at the top while something (usually NY or London etc.) was printed along the bottom. In this instance, the t-shirt read:

_I heart__  
><em>Zombies<em>_

When England flipped the waste of fabric over, he saw that there was a zombie grinning at him and issuing a pose that was very similar to America's self dubbed 'hero pose'. In a speech bubble coming from the zombie were the words:

_Unicorns are crap, dude!_

Oh. This. Meant. War.

"Hmph! If that's the way he would like to go about things then fine!" England said indignantly, beginning to plot his revenge.

Seeing as it wasn't exactly wise for America to stay within close proximity of his boyfriend for a while, he had opted to stay at a hotel while he spent the rest of his time in the UK. During this period a cake was delivered to his room by one of the hotel staff. He cocked his head to the side as he looked at the cardboard box in the guy's hands and wondered who on earth would be sending him pastry- because England certainly wouldn't be in the mindset to do so.

He was wrong however, and the hero soon understood as he thanked the staff member for bringing the cake to him before setting it down on a table in his room in order to look at the contents.

Inside the box was a cake in the shape of a unicorn, with pure white icing covering the whole thing and edible glitter decorating anything and everything. Actually on the design was a zombie being impaled by a unicorn's horn, with the words:

_Zombies: completely inferior, useless, and shit._  
><em>Love England x<em>

Written on in fancy script and edible icing. I say 'edible' with quite a degree of apprehension. Seeing as it was the Brit himself who made this particular confectionery, America decided to give it a wide birth for fear of developing a stomach ulcer. He wouldn't have eaten it anyway; to eat the cake would be to admit defeat! However he did retaliate.

After about a week filled with America spamming England's e-mail inbox with zombie pictures and England bribing the hotel staff members to only play shows involving unicorns in America's room, said country had to leave for the States. Nothing unusual about that really, America would obviously have to return home at some point. It wasn't as if the two of them weren't used to this by now, they had a long distance relationship and that was how it would have to be.

Only... this time, something was drastically different.

One of the conditions of this particular argument was something that had never come up before. Namely: no sex.

At some point along the way the argument had become less about which was better out of zombies and unicorns and turned more into a 'who can hold out the longest?' competition. The sign of defeat was England admitting that zombies were better, or vice versa. As mentioned previously, both countries really do have too much pride for their own good, and so it came to pass that America left the UK feeling slightly frustrated- but it wasn't anything so terrible that the hero couldn't handle it.

England also felt the same way, but was determined not to break because it had only been a week and he was better than that. Besides, a World Meeting was to be held over in the USA in a couple of weeks, and by then America would surely have seen how silly he was being and concede that unicorns really were superior and then everything would be right with the world.

_Yes, that is exactly what will happen_, England thought resolutely.

x~x~x~x~x

~Two Weeks Ago, USA~

America stared blankly at the document before him, trying to make sense of the strange inscriptions written on it. Was it written in some sort of different language? Was this some sort of Morse code?

"AGH! I don't get what the heck this thing is!" he yelled, standing up from his seat in order to glare at the paper- which didn't really do anything apart from a few people giving him looks that quite clearly showed that they thought he was clinically insane.

"Sir?" came a friendly enough sounding feminine voice. America looked up, only to be greeted by a staff member of McDonald's. "Is there a problem?"

"Oh... uh, no! Everything's fine!" he grinned sheepishly. "Sorry about that." He quietly returned to his seat and tried to focus on the menu once again without causing too much of a fuss. He sighed as he looked over the stuff written there, his mind still unable to focus on anything much at all really, apart from a certain country...

"Oh man, my boss is gonna kill me for ditching my work," he mumbled. He had attempted to do his work earlier and been left with the same problem of not being able to understand anything, even very basic things.

Without a doubt, this was all _England's _fault. The hero had drawn this conclusion a couple of days ago actually, and had stuck solidly to it. He honestly used to think himself good at working through things like this; such problems generally did arise when your lover was so far away in a completely different country. His body, while grudgingly to begin with, had accepted that fact and so he had gotten pretty used to dealing with... frustration, and he and England would simply make the most of their time whenever they could be together.

Only, they had kinda neglected to do that the last time they were together due to that stupid zombies and unicorns argument. Thus America found himself unable to stop his mind from wandering to very dangerous places that were definitely _not _appropriate for the workplace, or even McDonald's for that matter.

He let out a long sigh and allowed his head to fall to the cool surface of the table. "Dude, this sucks," he pouted, before adding on purely for his own amusement, "And not in the good way." He chuckled a bit before groaning as his mind began to come up with all sorts of weird and wonderful fantasies involving fellatio.

_Urgh, I should just say I give up already, _the American thought, before he abruptly stopped the thought. _No! That's just what he wants! I must stay strong; I've already come this far! I shall prevail because _"I'M THE HERO!" he yelled grandly before dashing out of McDonald's. Just to make sure he didn't waver in this resolve, the hero quickly got out his mobile and texted England:

_U redy 2 giv up yet? ;Dx_

He did this to show England that he was completely and totally managing fine (cough, cough), but also because there was a small hope that England would text back with something along the lines of:

_Yes! Oh yes my darling America!__  
><em>How could I ever have thought of prevailing over someone as epic and awesome and handsome as you?<em>  
><em>I need you right now my hero! Fly over here this instant, I'm in the bedroom love! xxxxxxx<em>_

The hero had a stupid grin on his face as he imagined that, only to be brought crashing back down to reality with a jolt when this was the actual reply he got:

_Me? Give up? Never. I am managing perfectly.__  
><em>Why, are you ready to throw in the towel? x<em>_

Throw in the towel? Throwing... towels... England throwing off a towel and-

Oh dear God, England totally said that on purpose! Now America could only think about steamy shower scenes and that one time they went over to Japan's place and ended up in the hot springs only to- "Japan still doesn't know about that, huh?" America said quietly, a faint blush to his cheeks. "Damn it England," he pouted. "Saying something like that... pervert," he mumbled, never mind the fact that _he_ was the one fantasising here.

_Urgh, I have to somehow get Iggy to break before me!_

x~x~x~x~x

~Two Weeks Ago, UK~

England hadn't realised that he had been staring off into space until the sound of his mobile sounded, alerting him to the fact that he had just received a text. He sighed as he looked at the mountain of paperwork before him that simply refused to get done no matter how much he tried to focus on his work.

He knew the reason for his total lack of concentration. Oh he knew the cause of it all right. And it was his fault.

Sort of.

"Honestly, what the bloody hell was I thinking?" he muttered to himself angrily, reaching into his pocket to retrieve the phone and see who had contacted him. _No sex? Really England?_

The Brit, while perhaps not being completely willing to admit this fact, could accept that he had a very... _healthy _libido. And just what was wrong with that? He worked damn hard, so why couldn't he _enjoy _cutting lose? In all honesty, as soon as he had imposed that damn ban he knew that he had potentially shot himself in the foot. But then he had convinced himself that America would surely change his mind about zombies being better or simply crack before he did.

No such luck.

"Stupid America actually taking that bloody ban seriously," he grumbled, until he saw that the text he had just received was from said country.

Of course! America had finally figured how wrong he was and he was texting England to let him know that they could now-

_U redy 2 giv up yet? ;Dx_

"Bastard!" England was busy contemplating smashing his phone when he realised that no: he could handle this. He was the United Kingdom Of Great Britain And Northern Ireland! He once had control of the seas; had an Empire, he had endured countless hardships and even come within an inch of his life on more than one occasion so he would be _damned _if a _tiny _little bit of pent up sexual frustration would be his downfall. He sent back a calm reply and smirked as he realised that perhaps that was just America's way of trying to be clever because he was ready to break down first.

No such luck:

_Haha! Nah, I'm cool dude! Just checkin! ;)x__  
><em>PS- ZOMBIES 4EVA!<em>_

Hmm... looks like England would have to approach this in an entirely different manner. He was going over to the States soon for a World Meeting anyway so he'd just have to last until then, which is where he would be sure to win this thing.

x~x~x~x~x

~Four Days Ago~

"Mmm... hnn..."

America stared.

"Mnn..."

Bright emerald eyes shifted to the side slightly, locking momentarily with sapphire, before looking away again.

_England... that's just so unfair! _thought the tortured hero as he watched, unable to tear his eyes away, from the Brit who was sliding a pen in and out of his mouth in an infuriatingly seductive way. He noticed America looking, hell yes he did. And that was all part of his master plan.

The island nation slowed the pace down to long, languid movements, taking his sweet time while he slid the pen in and out of his mouth. In all honesty, the pen was completely disappointing: cool plastic, not too large and obviously extremely thin. But there was a reason he was doing this, and he glanced over to America again and smirked slightly when he saw the effect this little tactic was proving to have. Maybe this would be easier than he thought, and he would be sucking on something _much _better than some dumb old pen in the near future.

The hero began to shift around in his seat, knowing full well that he should look away and that this was England's way of getting him to break, but just the way that mouth was moving! That hot, wet, ever so skilful mouth... America wanted to murder that lucky pen son of a bitch! And it didn't help that England had decided to add insult to injury and gone and chosen a pen with a unicorn design either. It was at this point in time that America truly understood _how_ England had managed to dominate so much of the world all those years ago: he was clearly an evil mastermind.

America was extremely close to just diving over the table, grabbing England, and taking him right there and then- fellow nations be damned! Fortunately he was snapped out of it when a hand clapped on his shoulder.

"Amérique, you two are killing me!" France said dramatically, showering the immediate area with roses.

The hero blinked for a moment, trying to decipher what the other was referring to, but he was drawing a blank. "Say what dude?"

"All of this sexual tension, I cannot stand it!" France proclaimed much louder than necessary, so that now half of the countries there were turning curiously in their general direction (much to Germany's annoyance).

"Hahahaha!" America let out a booming laugh to try and compensate for the fact that France had hit the nail right on the head. _Is it really that obvious? _he wondered. The answer to this question was yes, yes it was. Most of the countries there had been able to tell that something must have happened between England and America to cause the very air between them to become charged with repressed sexual energy. However seeing as America is only really bested in obliviousness by Italy, he had failed to notice this. "Dude, you must be imagining things, you so crazy!"

France raised an eyebrow, clearly showing that he knew what was going on. "I am the country of l'amour! I can tell when something 'as 'appened!" He sauntered over to the other side of the table and very much invaded England's personal space.

"Mon cher, what is going on?" he drawled.

"Nothing at all you damn Frog," England bit out, shoving the idiot blonde away from him. America thought that he sensed an opportunity to get even then, so he rose from his seat and headed towards his disgruntled lover.

"Hey guys," the hero said, turning to address everyone in the room. "Sorry if we've been kinda off lately, but it's nothing," he grinned widely trying to convince the others. He glanced to England who had a stony expression and America grinned even wider because he knew that England was currently thinking:

_This is NOTHING? How dare he?_

America was hoping for England to snap then and say it 'bloody well was something and they were going to resolve the issue immediately' but sadly that scenario never occurred. That being the case he moved on to his backup plan.

"It's just stressful lately with economy crap and everything," he elaborated. "I guess you guys must be feeling it too. Just take Iggy for example," he moved to put his hands on the Brit's shoulders, "Dude, you're totally tense!"

England resisted the urge to yell, "Well of course I'm bloody tense you git!" and instead drew in a sharp breath when America began moving his hands in smooth motions above his shoulders before moving to focus on his back. The island nation did his best to stay stiff and unmoving, but America knew just as well as he did that due to the startling lack of bodily contact they'd had recently, he was now extra sensitive to his touch. Seeing as Iggy was playing dirty earlier, the American thought he'd follow suit, dipping down in order to abuse one of England's weak spots: his ear.

"England," he breathed, causing the smaller nation to shiver involuntarily. "You really are tense, some of these knots are just so _tight_." _Ha! Beat that England! _he thought proudly.

England bit down on his lip to keep from groaning or moaning or anything that would alert the other to the fact that he was being severely weakened. _Stupid git! This isn't fair! _he seethed, his pride still refusing to let him grab America and kiss him into oblivion. A small growl rose in his throat as he felt America's hands moving lower, knowing that he was going to lose this battle if this kept up. A part of him was surprised with the way his boyfriend was acting, he had no idea that he would be _this _affected. Usually America was all happy and smiley and content to be a loveable idiot, but right now... the way it was so obvious that America wanted him just as much as he wanted America... okay there was no denying it: it was a huge turn on.

He was so close to just giving in first, but Germany intervened when he shouted, "I don't know what is going on here but can we _please _just try and stay focused for once?"

That snapped the gentleman out of his hazy thoughts enough so that he could shake off America and escape the touch that he knew his body craved, but Hell would open up an all expenses paid skiing resort before he admitted that. The two sexually frustrated countries were now very much the centre of attention, and Romano was going around with a little black book and taking bets on who would be the one to snap first.

_This has to end! _they both thought, trying to desperately come up with some method of making the other break before them.

x~x~x~x~x

~The Present~

And so this is where we are now, with two horny countries that really should just stop being so damn childish. None of them had been successful in their attempts to psych the other out and now the atmosphere between them was actually unbearable. The sexually charged air was palpable, and Romano had managed to make quite a bit of money out of the bets that he had going.

England lay on his hotel bed, staring up at the ceiling and doing his best to come up with something, _anything_, that would finally allow this torture to end. He couldn't stand it; he was physically unable to function properly anymore. I mean for God's sake, it had been well in excess of a month now! No, this was absolutely not acceptable, not at all.

"Damn America," England hissed, the perfect solution still evading him. He closed his eyes, hoping that if he just took a deep breath then everything would somehow get better. All this did however, was serve to make his imagination kick into overdrive.

He couldn't get the American off of his mind, his voice, his mannerisms, that charming, dazzling grin of his... and his _touch..._

"Oh God," England groaned, knowing that his mind was heading towards dangerous places but it had been so long and there was no turning back now.

The way America would whisper loving words in his ear before teasing his weak spot mercilessly, licking and lightly biting the shell, while his hands would be working on undoing the buttons on his blouse or- if he had opted to wear a t-shirt or sweater that day- tugging off the offending article that was keeping him away from the smooth skin underneath.

Subconsciously, England began to slowly undo a few buttons on his blouse, imagining that it was America who was doing this.

America would run his fingertips along the now bare torso, chuckling lightly with the way England would become impatient and tell him to 'stop being such a bloody tease'. He was always quelled immediately though, when America would lean down to capture his lips in a kiss. While being distracted by this, the hero would run one of his hands up until it came into contact with pink, supple-

Okay this had to stop immediately. England snapped his eyes open and instantly halted the movements of his own hands, moving to do his blouse up again hastily and cursing himself with the state he had now gotten himself in.

He was _not _going to masturbate when he was actually in the USA and America could be easily reached; there would be a bigger chance of France running off to join a nunnery and taking an oath of purity before that happened.

This was bordering on masochistic now, and he was seriously contemplating just going over to America's house right now and ending this. _Actually, that just may work... _he thought, and the more he started to figure out the ins and outs of this new idea the more appealing it became. Why hadn't he thought of this sooner? He should just storm the American's residence and _make _him submit first, it was absolutely bloody genius! Of course the hard part was actually coming up with a way to bring about that turn of events, but a devious little smirk came to his lips as he finally concocted the _perfect _method to make this whole thing turn in his favour.

No matter what, America _would_ admit that unicorns were better and England _would_ get laid tonight!

x~x~x~x~x

**All right! So what is England's great plan? Who will really break first? Will this UST **_**ever **_**be resolved? Review and be on the look out for the second and final chappy (which should be out fairly quickly), where the rating shall be M ;) I'll see you soon dear reader~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Mwahahaha! Yaoi~~! ^_^ Oooo, I've not written an M scene for USUK yet so I'm super excited! :D Enjoy dear fangirls and fanboys~ ^.^****  
><strong>Disclaimer: I only own the story! Original idea is from CalaveraCandiedSkull :D<strong>  
><strong>WARNING: USUK, Yaoi, lemons, limes and all manner of other citrus fruits, smut and an extremely horny Brit are all featured. Read at your own risk! Like, seriously- I tend to get carried away.<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

America was spaced out, staring at flickering images on his TV and not focused in the least. He was supposedly playing a game of some description, with men running everywhere shooting each other for no good reason whatsoever. He let out a heavy sigh as his guy died once again, although the usual sadness or anger he usually felt at such an occurrence failed to overcome him. In fact, he wasn't even focused on the game he was playing and at some point he had even dropped the actual controller so that he was just staring as the pixels representing him got killed repeatedly.

"Dude, this is freaking brutal!" he moaned, switching off his television and staring dejectedly at the floor. How had he, the epic hero, _failed_ to come up with an awesome plan to make England break first? Well in all honesty he did have a few, but the majority of them involved evildoers kidnapping his beloved (and yes, England _was_ in fairy princess drag for most of them) while he swooped in and saved the day. So esteemed by his bravery and courage, England would crumble and the sexy times would occur! There was, however, the small issue of that particular scenario never happening.

America let out a frustrated sigh as images of England stubbornly refused to exit his mind, and before too long his over active imagination was beginning to conjure up some pretty blissful scenarios and the hero cringed as he realised that he may just have to deal with this himself- even when England was over in the States! No, that wasn't hero like at all, but he could see no other way save for raiding his lover's hotel and somehow making him break fi-

Idea.

What was so bad about that plan? That could totally work, right?

With newfound energy, America leapt up from the sofa, pumped his fist into the air, and announced loudly, "The hero will prevail!" He grabbed his jacket from the back of the sofa and smoothed out the t-shirt and jeans he currently had on. However before he could make a mad dash out of his house, there was a knock at the door.

"Bad timing," he muttered, but fixed his grin in place because it wasn't the person at the door's fault he hadn't gotten lucky recently. When he opened the door, the hero thought that he must have fallen asleep and was in the midst of a dream, because there on his doorstep was none other than England himself.

For a moment they just stared at each other, their eyes burning with desire, both of them restrained by stubbornness. England raised an eyebrow after a moment, a silent question of, 'Well, are you going to give in yet?' America replied by casually leaning against the doorframe, in effect saying, 'Nah I'm all good dude'. The Brit eventually broke the silence.

"Good evening," he said pleasantly enough.

"Yeah, evenin'," America grinned.

_This ends tonight; I'm going to win this! _they both thought simultaneously.

"Terribly sorry to impose, but may I come in?" the gentleman asked nonchalantly, and America obliged.

"Want me to take your coat dude?" he asked, only just realising that England was wearing possibly one of the biggest coats he'd ever seen. "Hah, what's with the huge coat old man?" he teased.

"Oh this? It's rather chilly tonight," England replied, but when America briefly walked outside he didn't think it was cold at all.

While America racked his brain to try and come up with some form of a plan, England allowed a small smirk to come to his lips- his plan already having been perfected.

"America?" England asked, his voice calm.

"Yeah?" America turned to face England just in time to see him say:

"_Somnus_."

x~x~x~x~x

America felt a soft surface beneath him, head lolling on something plush and comfy... was he in bed? Had he fallen asleep? He groaned a bit as he opened one of his eyes slightly, and he was able to make out the vague images of his own bedroom.

_Huh, looks like I did fall asleep, _he thought tiredly, closing his eyes once again before they snapped open with a jolt when he thought: _When the heck did I fall asleep?_

He started running through everything he could remember before he found himself here: he had been playing on his Xbox 360 (well, zoning out) and had just come up with an amazing idea that would make England succumb to him before-

"England," he said slowly. The last thing he remembered was England being at his door, so then... why in God's name was he here on his bed?

He moved to wipe his eyes free of any remaining sleep before he would go off in search of the Brit, but sadly he couldn't manage the first part of this task as he became aware of something cool against his wrists. America glanced up, only to be met with the sight of both of his wrists attached to the bedposts by two pairs of handcuffs. He looked on, confused at first and wondering if he was still asleep and was having some weird dream. In the end he simply shrugged and began to struggle against the restraints, because there was no way they would be able to keep him there for long- America grinned a bit as he congratulated himself on his hero strength. However he stopped his effort when he heard a smooth voice say:

"Ah, so you're finally awake."

America knew whom the voice belonged to instantly, so he momentarily stopped trying to escape in order to shimmy up the bed so he was in more of a sitting position. When he had a much better view of everything, he saw England stood in the doorway, leaning against it with a devious smirk adorning his soft lips.

"England? What are you-" America cut himself off when he fully entered the realms of the conscious, any remaining bits of sleepiness disintegrating away instantly when he saw what the other was wearing.

The white blouse wasn't anything new, England tended to wear blouses; even the black tie wasn't a strange thing to be wearing. However that was wear any normalcy decided to fly out of the window, because England had put on a deep navy blazer, clean cut and completely flattering on his figure. The blazer had checked black and white patches indicating the pockets, the same checked pattern being replicated on the navy police hat atop his head. England's eyes glittered as he saw America taking the sight in and chuckled lightly when he saw him blush as his eyes travelled down.

The hero's breath caught in his throat as his eyes came into contact with the tightest pair of pants he had ever seen. _Ever_. Oh they certainly left nothing to the imagination and England looked fucking _amazing _in them, especially since they were a slightly darker navy and matched perfectly with his current outfit. Black gloved hands were holding yet another pair of handcuffs and while America was busy staring, England started twirling them around on his index finger.

The American wasn't usually into this kind of thing, but it had been so _damn long _and Iggy looked so _damn hot_! It dawned on him that this was England's way of getting him to break first, although it dawned on him too late because his body was already reacting and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

"W-What did you do?" he asked, his throat now completely dry and he was doing his best to think neutral thoughts.

"I used a sleep spell," England said, much too innocently for this current situation.

"You did _what_?" America's eyes widened. England had used his _magic_? God knows that his spells tend to go wrong more often than not; he could have _died! _The hero opened his mouth in protest, but was immediately shut up when England's voice went all husky as he pulled out a little white notepad that had been concealed within the blazer.

"United States Of America," he purred, and America shivered not only at the fact that England had decided to address him by his full name, but he had also managed to make it sound like the most erotic thing in the entire world. "You are under arrest for two extremely serious crimes," he said, still using a low and totally tantalising voice- which was just cruel seeing as America already had a weakness for the British accent.

"Those crimes are," he began; consulting the notepad as if he had written detailed notes on there. "Failure to recognise unicorns as the alpha species when it comes to unicorns and zombies," he stated, looking seriously at the captured country on the bed and America just groaned internally. _That is the last time I click on a pointless argument! _he thought, but he was pulled away from those thoughts as England punctuated with, "_And_..." He began to make his way over to the bed, walking _slowly _and _deliberately_, swaying his hips seductively so that America honestly had no choice but to watch and get even more turned on then he already was. And of course England noticed this, eying the growing bulge in the other's pants with raw, unrestrained desire. Part of him wanted to stop this charade, tear America's pants off and just get right down to business- but then that would mean that he would lose and besides, that's no fun at all.

_Ah crap! This isn't good! At this rate I'm totally gonna snap!_ America thought frantically; trying once more to try and escape the handcuffs in vain- his attention _was _very much otherwise engaged, after all.

Deciding that actually getting onto the bed in a conventional way was boring and wouldn't have the desired effect, England instead decided that he would crawl up the bed, never once breaking eye contact with the completely stunned American currently tied to the thing. Positioning himself in such a way that he was straddling the younger nation, England leant forward and whispered hotly against America's ear, "Your second horrendous offence is completely neglecting your duties as a lover, a crime that carries an extremely serious _punishment_ indeed."

"Whu?" America asked, any coherency he once possessed choosing to evaporate at that precise moment.

England pulled back in order to issue a smouldering gaze to America, before a small smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth as he deliberately ground his hips down onto America's now very hard length. Both men groaned a bit at the friction that they had so thoroughly missed, and England tried once again to get his point across. "In layman's terms: If you don't fuck me this instant, I swear to God you will wish you never came into existence." His voice was a mixture of sensuality and danger, and emerald eyes darkened considerably as England ground his hips down once more- relishing the close contact after all of this time. He was actually beginning to regret wearing such tight pants now, because although they served to turn his boyfriend on; they were now extremely painful and even tighter than before seeing as he was now just as hard as the hero.

A low growl rose up in America's throat, and his deep cerulean eyes betrayed the fact that he would love nothing more than to heed what the police officer was telling him. However throughout all of his dazed and lust-filled thoughts, America realised that there was still very much everything to play for here. If, by some extreme miracle, he could hold out, then there wasn't anything England could do about it except for break himself. And so, gathering every ounce of self-restraint he possessed, America managed a small grin as he said, "Sorry dude, but no can do."

This time England was the one letting out the growl, looking at the nation below him with a strange mix of emotions, of which annoyance and longing were the most prominent. He shook his head, trying to calm himself down and proceed as planned. "Are you sure that's really wise?" he asked coolly, bringing a gloved hand up to America's face to caress his cheek. The touch itself was extremely gentle, but his emerald eyes were gleaming in a dangerous way. Sometimes America quite forgot that his boyfriend used to be a pirate, a punk, and a delinquent. The hero was most definitely playing with fire, and all he was doing at the moment was fanning the flames.

A ripping sound suddenly filled the room, and the material that used to be America's t-shirt was flung carelessly across the room. England had just literally torn his shirt off! America quickly tried to recall if he was fond of that shirt and if he should kick up a fuss, but sadly England wasn't going to let his thoughts deviate away from the task at hand as he began to lightly trace random shapes over the well-toned torso before him.

The island nation was currently feeling very proud of himself, not only had he been the one to tear apart his boyfriend's clothing (usually it was the other way around, and some of his blouses were expensive dammit!) he noticed the American biting his bottom lip and trying not to make a noise as his hands continued to roam over the tanned skin now before him- but only lightly in a teasing manner.

America's clouded sky blue eyes looked over the nation currently straddling him and he immediately disapproved of the sheer amount of clothing England still had on. I mean, here he was half naked and England had _layers _on! No, this was absolutely not acceptable and also put him at a severe disadvantage. He needed to somehow get England's clothes off, but that is kind of a difficult task when you don't have the use of your hands...

"America," England breathed, "Please America. You have the power to end this silly little spat of ours. All you have to do is say you acknowledge unicorns as superior."

America briefly allowed his mind to get side-tracked as he thought with a small degree of amusement that they were probably the only two people in the world who discussed zombies and unicorns when in bed together. He was about to say very heroically that he would _never _accept unicorns as the winners, but when he opened his mouth to voice as much a gasp left his lips instead- because now England definitely _wasn't _playing fair as his hand travelled down and lightly began to stroke his aching manhood through his jeans.

"Hm? What have we here?" England asked, applying just a bit more pressure and causing America to hiss a bit. "I do believe that this may be a weapon, looks like I have no choice but to perform a _strip search_."

Had America been in possession of his usual mental capabilities at this current moment in time, he would have stated that hell yeah there was a weapon in his pants- a weapon of mass destruction! Before he would reconsider those words and proclaim that it was actually a weapon of ass destruction, at which point he would have congratulated himself on being so smart and awesome. That wasn't actually the case as it turned out, seeing as England decided that he couldn't be arsed being patient anymore and so quickly undid the offending zipper and button that stood in his way, before managing to pull the jeans and (Captain America, typical) boxers down far enough so that he could finally eye his prize- throwing them off of the bed completely upon a moment's reflection.

The hero clenched his jaw when his member met with the cool air, determined not to make a noise because then England would know that he had the upper hand (although all things considered, England already knew this). America desperately needed some sort of heroic plan that would allow him to turn this situation around, but he was prevented from starting to formulate said plan as England ran his index finger up America's cock slowly, as if inspecting it.

England let out a long, "Hmmm..." as he continued to go through this motion, only one finger touching him so lightly it should have been illegal- and England was supposed to be the one abiding by the law. Honestly, police officers today! Opting to not be completely heartless, England wrapped his hand around America's shaft and gave a very small and very light pull, and yes he did notice the American's breath hitch as he did that. Grinning a bit, England began to pump a little harder and a little faster before making sure he was moving his hand from base to tip. America began wriggling, trying to escape because this was so totally unfair!

The Brit wasn't having any of it however, brushing his thumb over the sensitive tip and eliciting a small noise from America, who was beginning to wonder why the hell he was protesting in the first place. Something about a zombicorn was it? Meh, he wasn't sure- which to be fair is understandable seeing as there was a sexy British police officer currently jerking him off. It did feel a bit strange though, seeing as it was the cool leather of the gloves touching the sensitive organ. America let a disappointed sound pass his lips when England had apparently grown bored of this endeavour, but his eyes widened as he saw said country repositioning himself so that his head was in-between his legs.

_N-No freaking way! He's gonna go down without me saying anything about unicorns? THERE IS A GOD! _he thought happily (let it be known that had America not had his hands currently inaccessible, he would have raised them to the heavens), and seeing as he wasn't sure which God to thank he simply thanked them all. It looked like this thing was _finally _turning in his favour, and as England had ever so kindly demonstrated with the pen the other day, he was actually rather amazing at oral sex. He looked up at America with lust filled eyes, licked his lips in such a sinful way America had to hold back a groan, and then-

He blew him.

As in, England simply blew on America's cock the way one might blow on a spoonful of hot soup.

Well, that certainly gave the term 'blow job' a whole new meaning.

Now would have been the perfect opportunity for the Trololo guy to enter and do his thing, because that was some pretty epic trolling on the Brit's part. England glanced up looking so innocent it was a crime.

"Something wrong?" he asked with big green eyes, playing the innocent and naïve lover.

"You. Are. Evil." America managed.

"Heh, flattery won't get you anywhere," he purred, back to being the seductive officer as he edged his way back up so that he was face to face with the American.

"I thought you were supposed to be a gentleman," America said with a slight hint of amusement to his tone. "Where did he go?"

England paused to consider the question for a brief moment before he whispered right against his boyfriend's lips, "He's on leave."

America's eyes darkened and he became hyper aware of England's tempting, full lips so close to his. That is when he smirked a bit, because although he was at a disadvantage at the moment, there was still hope he could reverse this. He closed the distance, England letting out a little surprised gasp at the sudden forwardness of his lover and the hero wasted no time in taking advantage of the slightly parted lips that he hadn't had the pleasure of kissing for so long. The Brit was unable to suppress the moan that occurred when he felt America slip his tongue inside his mouth. _God _he had missed this feeling, and the fact that they had not recently been engaging in snogging sessions simply meant that America was even _more _enthusiastic than usual (and he was always pretty damn enthusiastic so that was saying something).

America was ruthless in his domination of England's mouth, moving his tongue against his boyfriend's with a sensuality that neither knew he even possessed. Looks like sex deprivation did wonders for one's kissing skills, and the hero was making full use of this as he lightly caught England's tongue between his teeth and sucked, relishing in the delicious moan England offered up when he did this action. Said country became vaguely aware that he was very rapidly beginning to lose control over his 'prisoner' and, going against every fibre of his being, he managed to pull away, flushed and breathing heavily. America gave a triumphant grin but didn't let that be the end of it at all, moving his mouth on to England's neck, biting down roughly- the _beautiful _noise that escaped England's lips going straight to his groin- before kissing it softly. He grunted in disapproval at the fact that, due to his hands being unusable, England's clothing prohibited him from going any further.

This allowed the island nation to get his bearings once more, mirroring what America had just done to him previously by biting down on his neck, taking extra care to leave a dark mark in order to remind America that he was in no position to be trying any funny business at the moment.

"A gallant effort," he said in a husky voice.

"Why don't you just set me free?" America asked hopefully before a cheeky grin fixed itself in place and he winked as he said, "I can drive you even wilder if you'd let me use my hands ya know."

Despite the small blush that crept onto the Briton's cheeks he refused to be swayed. "Be that as it may, you will not be granted full freedom until you repent for your crimes."

"And we both know that that ain't gonna happen any time soon, officer," the hero said playfully.

England sighed, knowing this fact to be true- both of them were simply too stubborn to admit defeat so easily, even when they were both so obviously turned on. That being the case, a new method would need to be brought into effect.

"Very well, I may be willing to reach some sort of... arrangement with you," he said carefully, before his emerald eyes began to glitter and the smirk returned.

"Oh?" America raised an eyebrow and waited for his captor to elaborate on this so-called 'arrangement'.

"Well... how about we level the playing field in a way? First one to release has to admit that they were wrong," he explained, making sure that he had America's undivided attention as he loosened the tie around his neck and chucked it somewhere to the floor before undoing the top three buttons on his blouse. This little distraction meant that America wouldn't refuse, but he retained enough sense to realise that this was hardly fair.

"How is it a level playing field when I can't... use... my hands?" he asked, his voice trailing off towards the end seeing as the pain England was now feeling thanks to the extremely constricting pants had become too much and so the Brit unbuttoned and unzipped them. He let out a relieved sigh when his erect length was no longer being so painfully pressed against anything and his gaze flickered over to America who was now completely focused on his vital regions. England shrugged and thought he may as well use this to his advantage, making a show out of pulling down the pants along with his underwear before discarding them totally so that now he was just as exposed as the American.

"You don't necessarily need to use your hands," England said simply, illustrating his point as he repositioned himself and pressed their members together. That action alone made it feel like electricity was sparking through them, both of them unable to hold back the low groans of pleasure they felt because it had been so long- way too fucking long if you asked them- since they'd had skin to skin contact or been this intimate with each other. England mentally branded himself a douche for ever allowing himself to deny himself this absolutely glorious feeling. He was making up for it now though, moving with America as the two of them built up an excruciatingly intoxicating friction, completely in sync with each other. Sadly, as incredible as rubbing against one another felt, it simply wasn't enough.

They both knew what _would _be though, the only problem being that technically it was still prohibited.

It was at this point that America was hit with a stroke of genius, and he forced himself to stop his thrusts. He chuckled a bit at the indignant noise England made, but said country was quickly pulled out of sulking and instead curiosity took over as America shifted below him, so that he was lying down once more as he had been when he first woke up to this rather strange scenario.

The Brit narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "What are you-"

"I can think of another way to keep this even that doesn't require me to use my hands," America interjected, waggling his eyebrows a bit and waiting for England to get it.

When England eventually did get it, he thought that perhaps he had misunderstood. However the thought was quickly dispelled when he looked at his boyfriend as he seemed to silently communicate the fact that yes, he was indeed suggesting this. Upon this realisation, England grinned a bit. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt for you to put that mouth of yours to good use," he purred as he turned himself around and got in the correct position while America laughed a bit at the Brit's words.

England's slender legs were placed either side of America's head, his Big Ben positioned above the other's face while he himself made it so that his head was once again between America's legs. And this time England showed that he did actually know how to administer a blowjob as he licked up the shaft and lightly nipped at the vein that ran along the underside. He smirked a little when he heard America gasping a bit before he teasingly ran his tongue over the slit that was beginning to leak pre-cum. Not one to be outdone, America set to work on his end of this and made it abundantly obvious that he really didn't need his hands as he moved his tongue along the length at a tortuously slow pace before taking the head into his mouth and sucking.

England's breath hitched at the feeling, closing his eyes for a moment as wonderful sensations shot through his body, before he also took the American's cock into his mouth and began a steady rhythm- making sure to vary the speed and pressure of his sucks so that America was sure to get more worked up in a shorter space of time. He ran his tongue along the edge before swirling it around the head in a way that he knew the hero had a weakness to. Somehow England, having such a rebellious streak within him, managed to smirk around America's member as he heard the other let out pleased noises thanks to his ministrations.

It occurred to America that, while he was by no means bad at administering fellatio, England just so happened to be insanely good at it. If he didn't come up with a plan quick then he would most certainly be finished off, the only problem being that England's hot, wet mouth was moving in such a way that clouded the majority of his thinking process- plus he was currently doing the same to the island nation so that he didn't fall too far behind. But then he had such a great idea that he should have been awarded some sort of Nobel Sex Prize due to its complete and utter brilliance. He knew exactly what had to be done and he didn't even need the use of his hands.

Bobbing his head up and down a couple more times for good measure, America put his awesome plan into action. He stopped his sucking and pulled back, licking his lips as he planned his attack. He managed to prop himself up on his elbows a bit and grinned before he moved forward and pushed his tongue past the ring of muscle and thrust it into England's tight hole. The sharp gasp that said country let out was enough proof that he had definitely _not _been expecting that, and the loud moans that poured from his lips as America started to establish a steady rhythm was proof that he was definitely enjoying it. America couldn't help but let out a few low groans seeing as the noises England was making caused vibrating sensations to join the already amazing licks and sucks already being issued to his rock hard length.

The hero kept it up, moving his tongue deeper within England who's willowy frame had begun to shake a bit before he eventually had to pull away in order to moan America's name. His breathing was becoming erratic as pleasure rocked through his body, unable to focus on anything except what that magical tongue was doing to him. Any voice control he once possessed was now long gone as his moans got louder and he realised to his dismay that he had lost- there was no way out of this...

_CLINK_

The sound of metal echoing somewhere in the distance brought England back to reality a bit, and his thoughts began to return much more quickly when America stopped what he was doing and pulled back. England was already paling as he realised what that sound was, doing his best to scramble away even before America let out a victorious, "All right! The handcuffs finally gave way!"

Now back to his full capacity, America looked at the police officer that was trying to escape with a predatory gaze. He reached forward and grabbed the smaller nation by his hips, said nation letting out a little gasp in the process.

"You!" England said in an accusatory tone as he turned around and was straddling the hero once again. "What you did just now was an illegal move!" Although his forest green eyes were on fire with defiance, the rosy blush on his pale cheeks seemed to dull the effect and just made America grin mischievously.

"I dunno, you seemed to be totally into it, officer," he said in a low voice. He noticed an outline of something in England's police blazer and immediately guessed what it was. "Hmm, what do we have here?" he asked teasingly, wrapping his arm around England's slim waist so that he couldn't escape while he reached out with his free hand to inspect the item. A small bottle of lube was confiscated from the policeman.

"O-Oi! You git, give that-"

"Aw, how thoughtful of you officer," America said with a sweet smile that slowly melted into a feral grin, "I was just looking for something like this." He unscrewed the top and began to pour it onto three of his fingers while England tried to struggle away to no avail.

"I swear, if you dare..." England threatened, shooting a poisonous glare at the American.

"Oh, I dare," America purred, bringing his lubed up fingers to England's entrance as he managed to successfully capture his boyfriend's lips in another searing kiss. This was all the distraction needed, and so the hero pushed one finger into that heavenly, tight warmth, moving it about and stretching the Brit. England bit his lip, trying not to cry out at the very welcome intrusion. His mind was telling him to get the hell away, but his body had a completely different idea and he found himself pushing down on the finger inside of him, trying to find that mind blowing spot that ached to be thrust against. America continued probing, moving the digit in and out before he deemed the small space ready for a second.

This time England couldn't stop the little muffled noise of pleasure that escaped his lips, thoughts returning to a blissful haze as America scissored and stretched him. And then that magical spot was brushed, and the hero noticed the way his lover tensed and the jerky intake of breath and grinned. Adding a third finger, he thrust into that exact spot and got the oh so delicious reaction that he wanted.

The Brit threw his head back when America successfully hit his prostate dead on and began to writhe about a bit, trying to replicate the same feeling. America did the same action again, tearing a wanton moan from his lips and a slew of very approving profanities. It had been over a month now since he'd had America inside of him and he was beginning to go crazy- the pleasure seeming more potent due to the painfully long separation. He wanted, no, he _needed _America so badly right now.

"A-America! Please I- oh _God! _I n-need you- AH~!"

America took a moment to really look at England in that moment: his already unruly hair seeming even more mussed, eyes half lidded and glazed over with desire for _him_ while sinfully sweet noises poured from his rosy lips... England's ability to go from 'I will screw your brains out' to the most fuckable person _ever_ was uncanny. He was a demonic angel- _his _demonic angel. And it actually pained him to deny the request, mentally kicking himself thanks to his pride, but instead of obliging he huskily said:

"You know what you have to say if you want it, officer." America stopped moving his fingers and withdrew them, feeling such a stab of guilt when England whimpered and pouted at him. But then the island nation shook his head, doing his best to regain coherency and the hero saw a spark set off in those mesmerising emerald eyes.

"F-Fine!" he said, hanging his head a bit as if in defeat. "I'll just be the bigger man and just say it then!" he proclaimed, because England was not one to beg (only stooping to such desperate measures when the situation truly called for it). No, he would handle this in a mature manner. "I am a gentleman after all," he said proudly.

"I thought you said he was on leave," America said, quirking an eyebrow slightly. _Is he seriously gonna say it? It seems... too easy..._

The island nation coughed awkwardly but quickly recovered himself. "Nevertheless, _I'll _be the mature one here..." and then that smirk from earlier returned and America had a very bad feeling about this. "I'll be the _hero _in this instance."

America's eyes widened when he heard England say that. _The hero? No freaking way! I'M THE HERO! He thinks he can be the heroic one by stepping down first? That's- That's-!_

"And so without further ado: I, England, hereby declare that zombies are in fact better than un-"

"UNICORNS ARE MUCH MORE AWESOME AND WAY MORE KICKASS THAN ZOMBIES!" America quickly interjected, grinning proudly as he had beat England to it. _Hells yeah! I'm such a hero, _he thought proudly, looking at England triumphantly before he saw the look on said country's face: a little, innocent smile.

_Duuuuuuuude! England totally tricked me! Fuuuuuuuuuuuu-_

"Well, with that out of the way," England said casually, still smiling sweetly, "I do believe that we have some business to attend to." The hero was pulled out of his inner brooding when England quickly leant over and retrieved the bottle of lube before he positioned himself over his neglected cock. With a wink, England poured the rest of it onto his hand, quickly running it up and down America's length before he held it in place and pressed his entrance against it; lowering himself slowly- making sure that he did this carefully because it had been bloody ages and just dropping down would be very painful indeed.

This was more than enough to snap the American out of his sulking, sucking in his breath as his manhood was surrounded by extreme heat, tight muscles clenching around him. He let out a low groan when England took in his entire length and looked up as England wrapped his arms around his neck, catching his lips in a quick kiss before he started to build up a rhythm, slowly at first before he began to pick up the pace a bit. America let England adjust to his size and so allowed England to set the pace, in the meantime busying himself with finally tearing off that damn blazer and blouse that had taunted him for so long, tossing them over the bed along with the tie.

He looked at the flawless skin before him and had the sudden urge to mark every inch of it, which he immediately set about doing. He kissed and licked and bit every inch he could feasibly put his mouth on before licking a slow trail up to pert, pink nipples. This was already a sensitive area, and due to not having been touched for far too long even the slightest of movements had England trembling above him as he tried to focus on moving. The hero decided to be a bit cruel as he took one of the nubs into his mouth and rolled his tongue over it, eliciting a few moans from England. He grinned a bit before he bit down and sucked, teasing the other nipple with one of his hands as he pinched and twisted. The island nation didn't stand a chance and the volume of his voice began to pick up rapidly which of course just caused the American to continue and drive his lover even more insane with such wonderful sensations pulsing through him.

England's ability to establish or maintain any sort of rhythm was now long gone and he found himself halting his movements in a desperate attempt to keep some sort of wit about him. However the new agenda for America was to drive England crazy and not leave a single sane thought in his head, so when he noticed how the Brit had stalled he carefully pushed against him and slowly lowered him down onto the bed, so that now he was on top. He hooked the slender legs over his shoulders before he began to thrust, taking only a few seconds before he successfully found the spot that had England seeing stars and arching into him.

"A-America!" he cried, doing his best to pull his lover down. He was rapidly losing it, but just about managed to get across what he was trying to say. "K-Kiss, please!"

What sort of a hero would he be if he ignored such a request? Smiling softly, America leaned down in order to capture those soft lips, using his tongue when England moaned into it. America increased the pace of his thrusts, pounding that euphoric spot again and again and England was all but screaming as he broke the kiss, unintelligible words along with America's name filling the charged air around them. It had been so long since their bodies had been connected like this and both were feeling every part of each other. It wasn't long before the coil of warmth started pooling within England and he knew that he was near his release. He did his best to communicate as such, but the words refused to form and the only thing that filled him, body and mind, was America. And that was what he cried as he reached his limit, spilling his seed so hard that his body trembled with the force of it.

America felt the spasm of those tight muscles around his cock and heard his lover calling his name in pure ecstasy and he too neared the end, thrusting a few more times before he came deep within the Brit, calling his name as he did so.

America took care not to just fall down onto his smaller lover, seeing as crushing someone after you've made love is neither chivalrous nor romantic in the least. He managed to flop to the side and lay there catching his breath along with his boyfriend. When he was relatively sure he could speak clearly, America grinned as he said, "Okay... that was fucking awesome!"

England chuckled and simply nodded his agreement before America pulled out of him and brought him into his arms. There was no resistance from the Brit, who laid his head on America's beautifully toned chest and began to trace intricate little patterns with his index finger after he removed the gloves.

"America?" he asked after a moment.

"Yeah babe?"

"Despite our ridiculous spats... you do know that I- I really do love you, right?"

America simply smiled and kissed England's forehead. "Of course! And you know that no matter how mad we make each other, I love you too. Always."

They snuggled closer and intertwined their fingers, both of them realising that now would probably be the most romantic place to leave things, only... it _had _been over a month... and they _were _both guys...

"Umm... Hey, babe?" America asked after a moment.

"Yes, love?"

"Well uh... I was kinda wondering if perhaps you'd be interested in a round two?"

When he got no reply America wondered if he'd possibly pissed off the other and had 'gone and ruined the bloody romantic atmosphere, why can't you tell when enough is enough you git?' but the reaction he got was most unexpected. England shifted a bit so that he was whispering in his ear and laughed softly.

"I thought you'd never ask," he said smoothly, before his voice took on a more dangerous tone as he said, "And trust me America, if I still possess the ability to walk tomorrow, the dissolution of the USA will be airing on every television in the world."

Well, America _certainly _didn't need to be told twice. He grinned and immediately rolled himself so that he was hovering above England. "Looks like the hero will have to avoid such a tragedy happening. You're in for one hell of a night babe."

And what a night it was.

x~x~x~x~x

**I am blaming this **_**completely **_**on INWYT! Over 40 chapters of me teasing has finally caused me to go a bit mad with this XD Geez guys, I know that zombies and unicorns caused **_**this**_** reaction, but you should have seen what went down when the two of them entered the great Apple vs Android debate! That was a whole lotta leather and chains let me tell ya! :P ANYWHO! Lemme know what ya think? :3 It's been a while since I actually wrote an M scene so I'm sorry if this is crappy, but I had fun writing it~ ^_^ Well until next time my dears! Those who review will be blessed with the badassery of the zombies and unicorns! ;D  
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**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


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